


The Boy With the Broken Mark

by SnowBlizzard



Category: South Park
Genre: Butters thinks he's broken, M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Wendy isn't a bitch for this one, bunny - Freeform, poor little hurt soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowBlizzard/pseuds/SnowBlizzard
Summary: When you meet your soulmate, a matching mark appears on your wrist. When your soulmate dies, it scars over. If you find a new soulmate after your old one died, you get a new mark.Butters had always thought this to be lies. His mark keeps scarring over but being the same in the morning. It's not like he doesn't try to find the cause of this, but he's just given up.He's broken, he has no soulmate, or his soulmate just keeps dying and raising from the dead, but that would just be silly.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, past Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 26
Kudos: 284





	1. Phone Star

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at an AU and I've had this idea for quite a bit.  
> Also please follow/message me on Twitter @SnowBlizzardTW if you have any ideas for me to write (any fandom). (:  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy and that it isn't too bad haha.

Butters wakes up and like expected it's there again. He doesn't understand! He got his mark at the age of 4, which was usually way too early. It was so simple, six black simple lines forming the kind of star you see on phones. It looked odd, it always had. Nevermind the fact that others had much more complicated marks, with colors and many, many more lines. Never mind the fact that it kept scarring and then being whole again the next morning.

He should just cut it off. Tweek did, he was so freaked out by how it slowly appeared and he just cut it off. He hurt himself pretty bad and as expected he has no hand, making things much more difficult. Craig, his soulmate wasn't that happy Tweek had cut off the evidence.

It wasn't often two males or two females were found to be soulmates. But it did happen, Butters could count to four same sex couples who were soulmates, Tweek and Craig, Stan and Kyle, Clyde and Kevin, Nelly and Lola.

There were a lot of people at their school who hadn't met their soulmate yet. The mark only appeared when they first spoke. Which made Butters wonder what was wrong with his again, he didn't even remember who he spoke to at age four, just that in the morning, the black lines were there.

He slowly got up and did his morning routine, it was painful, knowing he was never gonna find who he was destined to be with.

He couldn't see many people's marks, as most wore gloves to fight against the chilly Colorado weather.

When he had his school bag packed and all the books he would need shoved inside, he left for school. His parents weren't there and Butters was glad for that. They had calmed in an odd way, he didn't get grounded nearly as much as he used too but whenever he did it was always for the weirdest of stuff.

_"Oh you've destroyed my favourite plate? That's okay, hun."_   
_"You put the empty milk back into the fridge? That's it mister, you're grounded."_

Butters didn't understand but as he was slowly realising, not much made sense anymore.

The bus ride to school was quiet as usual, he wasn't really friends with anyone except Wendy and maybe Kyle, Wendy didn't ride the bus and Kyle sat with Stan so it wasn't like he had anyone to sit beside.

The bus arrived later than usual and Butters sighed as he'd have even less time to prepare for class.

This first period was fairly easy as Butters just had to take notes, except that he was distracted as usual. He couldn't stop looking at his mark. It was so unusual, Butters had even began wearing gloves to hide it. It was ugly, it was simple, half of the time it was just a large scar. Butters hated it, he really, really did.

As he looked around the room, he shot a look at Tweeks stump where on of his hands had previously been.

...

He couldn't willingly lose a hand just because he didn't like his mark, that would just be silly despite that however, a small part of him wanted to.

Truth be told, Butters doesn't do much of anything. He goes to school, does his homework and sleeps. Other than that he doesn't really do much. He writes, sometimes. Sometimes the few internet friends he has wants to talk, and sometimes he'll sleep at Wendy's, but that's about it.

So all in all, his life was pretty boring. The most things on his mind at the moment were if he should find a part time job and if he should sign up for helping the school play.

As the school day neared its end, Butters stood at his locker, searching for his math folder. "Gosh darnit, where did I place it?" He cursed (if you can even call that cursing) softly.

He felt someone knock on his back. The shock made his body try to stand upright, only making him slam his head into the top of his locker. "Ouch," he said, rubbing his head and blinking as to clear his vision enough to see the person who was responsible.

"You okay?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

Butters took his hand away from his head, to check if there had been something sharp that he'd cut himself on. Luckily, his hand was clear from blood.

"I should be soon." Butters thinks he lost about 25% of his innocence along the way and he wasn't exactly sure if that was something he liked. Nonetheless, he felt a bit more mature and less of a 'happy-go' lucky type of guy.

Kenny nodded. "Looking for this?" He held his hand forward and showed the red folder he was holding. Butters lit up.

"Where did you find it?" He said, taking it and holding it against his hip.

"In the library," Kenny had a similar parka as to when he was small but he usually didn't wear it over his mouth anymore, though his hair was mostly fully covered. "I was gonna go ask Kyle if he wanted to do anything after school and found it on one of the tables."

Butters, because while he doesn't have many people to be affectionate towards anymore, he's still very affectionate, hugs Kenny. "Thank you! You really saved my butt there." Butters laughs as he pulls away from the hug.

Kenny looks slightly shocked but his face goes neutral as soon as the bell rings. "Thank you again Kenny. I've gotta go now."

Kenny just nods while Butters turns around and closes his locker. When he turns back around, Kenny's gone. He doesn't mind though, Kenny's nice and he likes talking to him but he does have a class to get to and even if he didn't, Kenny was just there to give him his folder anyway.

-

The next day Butters was allowed to go to Wendy's after school, since his parents really liked her. 

They were currently talking about Butters upcoming birthday. Normally he didn't celebrate it at all, not before he and Wendy became friends at least, which was somewhere around two years ago.

She was trying to convince him to go out to a party or at least do anything.

Eventually she sighed, sitting down crossed legged besides Butters where he sat on her floor. "How about we have a get-together then? Gather a few friends, maybe get some alcohol?"

Butters sighed. "I don't really have many friends and I don't want people to feel obligated to buy a gift just because they were invited." He wasn't even gonna say anything about the alcohol thing, he knew a lot of his classmates drankm

Wendy scoffed, she could be so stubborn when she wanted too. "Alright, final offer. You, me, Bebe, Kyle since I know you guys are kind of friends and whoever else you want to invite have an evening at Bebe's house, no gifts allowed. No loud music, not a party just a chill get-together."

Butters sighed but he could feel a smile creeping onto his face. "I'm not sure Kyle will come but I don't think I mind."

Wendy nodded, "you wanna invite anyone else?"

Butters thought for a while about the few people who actually was okay with talking to him. He couldn't come up with many names though and the ones he did he was sure wouldn't come. Butters lips went into a flat line as he said, "nope."

He was still excited though, even if he was sure it would be just be him, Wendy and Bebe but they were nice and he liked them so it wasn't like he minded too much. Didn't mind at all actually.


	2. Free Booze

Kyle tapped his pen onto his legs. The sound of Stan and Kenny shooting in a video game beside him. He'd taken this time to study a bit, even if his friends were here his studies were important. It wasn't like he wasn't talking to them either, he enjoyed their company and would throw in comments when he saw fit.

His phone, which was laying on Stans coffee table in front of the couch buzzed once, twice and then a third time in a row. He saw Stan shoot him a quick look before looking back to the game. Kyle rolled his eyes but was surprised when he saw multiple texts from Wendy of all people.

Wendy had disliked him since she found out he and Stan were soulmates since she had always hoped for herself and Stan, even if they obviously weren't soulmates.

**Wendy: Butters is having a kinda birthday party on friday you up for it?**

**Wendy: No gifts tho**

**Wendy: It's at Bebes house 6 pm**

Kyle frowned, couldn't Butters just have told him himself? He had no clue Butters birthday was so close.

"Who's it from?"

Kyle shook his head. He knew Wendy and Butters were friends so he supposed it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to arrange a birthday party for him, especially if it was a surprise. "Wendy." He stated simply, wondering if he should go or not.

Kyle could see Stan pause the game in his peripheral vision. He heard Stan gulp and once again he rolled his eyes. Kyle didn't care for Wendy much but it wasn't that he disliked her. He wasn't stupid, he knew she and Stan had slept together even if neither of them had told him, but Stan always overreacted as soon as he talked about her.

"So um- what'd she say?" Stan laughed nervously and when he looked over he could see Kenny rolling his eyes this time.

Kyle kind of wanted to call Stan out om his nervous behavior but didn't. "She invited me to Butters birthday party."

"Why didn't he just invite you himself?" Stan frowns.

Kyle shrugs. "I don't know. Surprise party? Anyway, I don't think I'll go."

It's quiet for a bit as Kyle scribbles down the answer to the next question on his study material quiz.

"Wait- Butters birthday is coming up?" Kenny asks, like he's genuinely curious. Kyle nods, "I guess so, I had no clue about it either."

"Do you-" Kenny shifts uncomfortably on the couch. "Do you think they'll invite me?"

"You just want free booze." Stan laughs.

"Like they'd have booze at Butters birthday party." Kyle replies.

"Fair point." Stan shrugs. "You wouldn't be able to buy a gift anyway, Kenny."

"Wendy said it was gift free."

"Do you think fat-ass will be there?" Stan asks and Kyle snorts.

"I hope not."

"You're going?" Kenny asks Kyle.

"I don't think so. Maybe, I haven't decided yet." Kyle lifts an eyebrow. "Why are you so eager to go when you haven't even been invited?"

"Free booze." Kenny answered immediately. Kyle thought something was off but he didn't question it.

"I knew it!" Stan exclaimed, laughing. Kyle laughed softly.

-

Butters cast Wendy a weary look. "Do you really think it's a good idea?"

"Yep. Loosen up, Butters. You don't have to drink it but I know Bebe will want to. I'll keep check so she doesn't go overboard."

Butters sighed, "well, okay." Ever the pushover. "I just don't want things getting out of hand." Butters knocked his knuckles together, he only ever did that when he was nervous, the habit stemming from when he was little.

Wendy smiled in a comforting way.

Butter was actually really glad he'd became friends with Wendy. She was nice to him most of the time and seemingly actually cared. She could be a bit selfish at times but everyone had their flaws.

Casting a look at his phone, Butters gasped. "Oh hamburgers! I need to go. Bye Wendy."

She waved at him, "bye, stay safe."

Butters smiled, heaving his backpack onto his shoulders before hurrying home.

-

It's safe to say he got grounded but Butters wasn't as much of a goody two shoes as he used to be so if he really wanted to do something, he'd just sneak out of the window. His parents didn't keep check anyway. He usually didn't have much to do but he did like defying his parents, even if they weren't aware. Butters felt powerful for once.

Except that when he excited out the window in the middle of a Thursday night, he was freezing cold. He never had anywhere to go so he would always just take a stroll around town, avoiding anyone that could tell his parents what he'd been up to, not that many people were out this time in the night anyway.

Even though he'd toughened up quite a bit, Butters still avoided the forest during the night, something about it was.. off-putting, creepy.

Butter usually went to the playground about ten minutes from his house, the one near where mr. slave lived. It might sound creepy, heck, it was kind of creepy but Butters enjoyed sitting on the swings during the night. The only difference because of the unusually cold weather was that he didn't use his phone for fear of it dying from the cold. He didn't swing, he just sat there, thinking.

The way he could feel the cold bringing all his blood to his face, the way the cold slowly seeped through his jeans, it was all so calming in an odd way.

He hear the swing next to him creak but he paid it no mind, assuming that it was just the wind starting to blow again. However, the "hey" did freak freak him out.

Jumping out on the swing from the jump scare he looked at the person next to him from where he now sat on the snowy ground. He was deathly afraid it was a friend of his parents (they had almost none, but still) thankfully, it wasn't.

"Jesus Ken! You scared me!" Butters tried to glare but Kenny was smiling and that make him smile too. Butters stood up, dusting the snow from his jacket, "what are you doing here at," Butters tried to remember what time it had been when he'd left but came up empty handed, "now?"

Kenny stuck his hand in his pockets, the parka was pulled over his mouth, presumably to fight the cold. "I could ask you the same thing." Kenny raised an eyebrow.

Butters flushed, suddenly realising that his reason for being here was.. stupid, so he dropped the topic.

"Aren't you cold?" Kenny asked after a bit of silence.

Butters blinked at him, sitting back down on the swing next to Kenny. "Huh?"

"You've barely even got a jacket on." He shrugged, looking straight up.

Butters looked down, kicking the snow, making the swing move slightly. "This was the only jacket I had in my room."

When Butters looks up again, Kenny's giving him an odd look but he doesn't say anything more, just huffs cold air out of where he'd pulling the parka away from his mouth. Butters looked over while Kenny took up a cigarette and lit it, without meaning to Butters makes a disgusted face.

Kenny laughs slightly, "sorry, you mind if I finish this?"

Butters shakes his head, "no." It's awkward silence while Kenny smokes. Butters definitely doesn't approve but he can't say he minds, as long as Kenny doesn't huff it into his face he's fine with it.

It's awkward silence while Kenny finishes his cigarette, during this time Butters starts to become freezing cold.

"Buttercup? Are you okay? You look cold." Kenny throws the cigarette on the ground, stomping it out.

Butters flushes, ignoring the question completely. He's gonna need to leave soon, but he doesn't really want to. "You know, you're the only one that calls me that." Kenny doesn't answer.

Kenny adjusts his parka so it covers his mouth again. "You should head home."

Butters shakes his head. "No, I'm fine." Even though he really knows he should.

Kenny doesn't seem to pay his answer any mind however. "Just get home before you die of frostbite." With that he left, leaving Butters alone.

Butters did leave soon enough, the crack of dawn was right around the corner and he hadn't slept anything yet. He ended up only getting about two hours of sleep, but he really didn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you want me to write something (any fandom) you can reach out to me on Twitter @SnowBlizzardTW I enjoy taking suggestions and hearing both criticism and praise (:


	3. Birthday Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsure if I need to change the rating to mature after this chapter (nothing too sexual, I promise) if I do, please tell me so and I'll change it.
> 
> The easiest way to contact me is through Twitter @SnowBlizzardTW I would love some criticism of what I can do better! (: 
> 
> Also this was written at 4am when I was dead tired so excuse if I missed anything in my editing of the chapter before posting. Have lovely day everyone <3

Butters almost forgot it was his birthday that Friday. Like said, he never used to celebrate it before.

Wendy reminded him when she gave him a large hug as he got off the bus. "Happy birthday Butters!"

He hugged her back. "Thank you, Wendy."

-

He arrived at Bebes house at around 7pm, the time he was given. Bebe had excitedly dragged him inside.

She led him to her room where Wendy was already sitting on the floor, Bebe taking a seat on the soft carpet opposite her. Butters sat between them, making a half circle.

Butters took off his coat, deliberately leaving his gloves on. "So what do you wanna do?" Bebe asks Butters, tilting her head.

Butters shakes his head. "I'm not sure."

Bebe lights up. "When Kyle gets here we should totally play never have I ever, or drinking poker."

Wendy rolls her eyes. But Butters is focused on something else. "Kyle's coming?"

Wendy nods. "Said he was. I'm not sure when though." She rolls her eyes again. "Unless he's off making out with Stan."

Butters feels slightly awkward. Kyle isn't really a good friend of his, but he's still one of his only guy friends. Except Wendy is still bitter about the fact that he's Stan soulmate and she hasn't met hers.

Bebe looks at his hands, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you wearing gloves inside?"

Butters flushes, Wendy waves a hand in Bebes direction. "How many people don't wear gloves in south park?"

Bebes right eyebrow goes higher, her face growing more questioning. "Yeah, but inside? Like one?"

"Bebe just drop it."

Butters shakes his head. "It's fine Wendy." He takes off his gloves slowly, making sure his long sleeves cover his mark.

Bebes mouth falls into realisation. "Oh my god! You're embarrassed over your mark!" Her face was excited though.

Wendy groaned. "Forever nosy, that's Bebe for you."

Butters face flushed redder. "Wha- no!"

Bebe grinned. "C'mon Butters you know I don't believe that. What is it? Someone you don't like??"

"Bebe calm the fuck down, jesus." Wendy pushed her slightly away from Butters.

Butters pulls his sleeve further up. "It's nothing like that. I don't like the way it looks." It's not a full lie. He really doesn't like the way it looks but half the time he's ashamed over it because of the weird circumstance where it keeps scarring over and then being the same.

Bebe deflates. "Oh."

Wendy pinches her nose in a very Stan-like manner. "Ugh, Bebe c'mon. It's nothing to get worked up over just because you don't have yours yet."

Bebe snaps her head towards Wendy. "Hey! You don't have yours either."

Butters just glad he escaped having to show it, unsure which state it was in at the moment. He didn't really mind Bebes nosy behavior, he's just embarrassed over it sometimes.

The doorbell from downstairs rang and Bebe got up to get it.

"You okay?" Wendy asks.

"Huh," Bitters blinks. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Bebe can be a bit overbearing at times" a sigh came from her mouth, "but you get used to it."

Butters nods.

They sit in silence while Bebe walks into the room with Kyle and.. Kenny? Trailing behind her.

"Kyle brought Kenny with him." Bebe says as she sits down beside Wendy.

"Yo," Kenny says, sitting down besides Butters as Kyle sits down next to Kenny. Butters doesn't mind Kenny being there, if he'd known Kenny wanted to come he'd have invited him but he wasn't even sure Kenny liked talking to him, not even after that walk he took in the middle of the night.

"Glad you guys could make it." Butters smiles while Bebe goes searching in her closet for something, letting out a soft "aha" when she finds what she's looking for.

She places down various bottles of alcohol in the middle of them.

Butters must've made some kind of displeased face since Wendy leans over and whispers, "you don't have to drink it, remember?" Butters nods. But to be honest, he's 16- actually 17 now and he's never even drank once in his life he kind of wants to drink, he's pretty sure they're gonna play a drinking game anyway.

Kenny whoops and goes straight for what Butters assumes is a can of beer.

"Alright, let's play never have I ever. If you have done the thing, you have to drink."

Wendy looks worriedly at him but Butters ignores it. He does however get her help in picking out something that's very mild. It still makes his throat burn heavily and leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Bebe claps her hands to get everyone attention, even though there are only five of them, including her. "Okay, we only have two rules," she speaks as if there's 20 people in the room, "one, no lying, obviously. Two, only ask questions you have not done. I'll go first," Bebe seems to mull it over for a second. "Never have I ever posted nude pictures of myself online."

Nobody drinks.

Then it's Kyles turn. "Never have I ever.. called someone while drunk." Only Butters and Kyle doesn't drink this time.

Kenny's question ends up being quite.. sexual. "Never have I ever done anal." Kyle and Bebe drink, Kyle shooting a glare at Kenny who only smirks.

This ends up shifting the entire games mood. When Butters couldn't come up with a question to ask, Wendy was next. Butters had never seen her as a very sexual person but it seemed everyone was on-board with this mood change, so he'd just have to deal with it. Wendy's question(? Statement?) was, "Never have I ever masturbated more than four times in one day."

Butters looked over at the others, he only saw Kenny drink which wasn't surprising. After a brief discussion with himself, Butters drank, which had Wendy spluttering and Kenny letting out a "nice."

Butters flushed heavily as the game went on and on. Eventually they stopped and it transformed more into a conversation. Butters, however didn't say much. He felt slightly drunk. It was his first time drinking so of course he was a lightweight. Despite this though, Butters thought this might have been the most fun birthday he'd had.

He likes to listen to his friends talk. His head is pounding and his whole body feel extremely warm but he doesn't really care. Just like the cold on those night trips he takes, it feels calming in a way.

Eventually Kyle has to leave so it's only the four of them.

-

Somewhere around the 10pm mark, Bebe looks over at Butters, he's still drinking, ignoring the burn in his throat. "Butters are you drunk?"

Butters shrugs, setting down his cup. Wendy takes a picture. Butters tries to pry the phone out of her hands to delete it but fails massively.

"We should do something," Wendy says.

"Like what?" Bebe quips in.

"We could play war, winner asks loser a question of their choice." Kenny shrugs while Bebe goes off searching for a stack of cards.

Kenny turns to Wendy instead of Butters, who's currently giggling at nothing. "Has he ever been drunk before?"

Wendy shakes her head, "nope.

"I'm sitting right- _hic_ \- here! You could've just asked me!" Butters crawls closer to Kenny, looking straight into his eyes.

Kenny laughs, "sorry Buttercup, I'll be sure to do that next time." But he looks a bit tense, shoulders drawn up high.

Bebe returns with the cards, shuffling them and giving each person their own little stack.

Bebe draws a 10, Wendy a 2, Kenny a knight and Butters a seven.

Kenny clasps his hands together, rubbing them in a mischievous manner. "Did you and Stan ever have sex?"

"Kenny!" Wendy yells. But she takes a while to answer, "yes."

Kennys only response is "I fucking knew it."

Next turn Butters gets the highest and Bebe the lowest. He has a moment of clarity, asking something he's always wanted to know."Do you think it's possible to love someone other than your soulmate, and have a lasting relationship?"

Bebe took a moment to think about the suddenly serious question. "Yeah, I mean it's said that people will always end up together with their soulmate in the end but there's so many stories of like 90 year olds who never even got their mark in the first place. I just think it's easier with your soulmate. Maybe. Or maybe I'm completely wrong about that."

The atmosphere turned heavy until another round was played.

-

Around 1 am was when it was getting time for him to get home, except.. he couldn't. The only way into his room was up the tree next to his window he couldn't climb that drunk, nor could he just walk through the front door as then his parents would wake.

Wendy wanted to take him to hers but he refused since he knew her parents would be home.

So he ended up sleeping at Bebe's. Staying there when Kenny had left. He'd stayed even when Wendy left.

He was laying on a mattress Bebe had pulled into her room while Bebe was laying on her bed. He felt suddenly sober. "Bebe?"

"Mm?" He can hear from her bed and some slight turning until he's face to face with her.

Bebe isn't his friend, not really. They usually don't talk a lot but Butters does enjoy her company and has heard plenty of things about her from Wendy. He feels pretty confident Bebe is someone he can trust and he needs to tell someone and she's the only one around. "I think I'm broken."

He gets a sigh in response. "You're not Butters. Do you know how many people I've heard say that? Too many to count. None of them have been quote-unquote 'broken'."

Butters sits up on the mattresses, he feels weird laying in bed wearing jeans. The blanket Bebe gave him falls to his middle.

"My mark is broken then."

That makes Bebe sit up and really listen.


	4. Who Does?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos! It means a lot to know people are at least somewhat enjoying my writing, and if you're not, please tell me why, I'd like to improve on my shortcomings. 
> 
> This was once again written and posted at about 4am so excuse any grammar mistakes, I did look it over but my mind is quite tired at the moment :/

Sitting on her bed she looks down at Butters. "What do you mean your mark's broken?"

Butters swallows harshly, no going back. "It's been scaring over-"

Bebe's eyes widen, "So they're dead? I'm so sorry Butters, I didn't-"

Butters ignores this and continues talking. "And being the same next morning. And I just-" Butters feels so weak in front of Bebe right now, he doesn't feel that false confidence he felt while drunk. He instead feels tears rolling down his cheeks. "It keep happening. I don't think I have a soulmate."

Bebe is immediately next to Butters, hugging him. "Oh hon, I'm not sure what to say right now."

Butters wraps his arms around her. "I hate it so much," a large hic escapes his throat. Sad as it is, this is still his nest birthday ever, even with the crying. "It's so ugly and- I just want it gone. I'm gonna be alone forever I don't" a large sob wrecks his body while Bebe stokes his back reassuringly. "I don't need a reminder."

"Butters, you're not gonna be alone forever." Bebe says when she's made sure he's done. "You're gonna find someone, soulmate or not. And you're gonna be happy."

Butters had never felt so weak before. Not even when he was bullied had he felt like this.

"Shh, honey, you're gonna be just fine. I'll make sure of it myself. And if anyone, and I mean anyone, even Wendy gives you trouble, I'll best them up myself." Butters couldn't help but snort. "I mean, I probably couldn't take on everyone but I'd sure try. Go and rile up the rock and we'll see."

Butters laughed himself out of crying. Bebe wiped his face. It felt extremely motherly, the kind he never got from his own mother. "Did you have fun today?" Bebe changed the subject.

Butters nodded, extremely embarrassed that he'd cried in front of Bebe. "It was nice. Thank you."

Bebe snorted. "Anytime," she looked his up and down but Butters was staring at the wall to his left. "Do you wanna go to sleep?"

This was when he noticed the pounding headache he was experiencing. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna be hungover."

Bebe laughed. "Welcome to the club."

-

Climbing into the tree next to his room first thing in the morning, even after taking the meds Bebe had given him was not an easy thing to do. It proved very hard, his head aching terribly and his muscles feeling weak. He managed despite this, even though it took a long time.

Inside he just laid on his bed, watching YouTube videos and being half asleep until his parents called him down for lunch.

-

The following week not much happened to be honest. Butters did his usual routine of going to school, maybe meeting Wendy after school, going home, sleep and repeat.

He really didn't have an interesting life.

-

Tuesday night, about two weeks after his birthday, Butters decided to sneak out again. He was feeling frustrated and maybe the even colder than before weather would help.

It did. He felt calm again, even when the cold made his body flood all the blood he had into his cheeks. His toes felt numb but it was so.. pleasant. Even if he knew he couldn't be out long in the state the weather was in.

He sat down at the swings he usually did, pushing himself up with his feet slightly, just to get it in motion.

"You're here in the middle of the night again," Butters nearly fell off the swing from the surprise, _again_.

"Oh my gosh, Ken! You gotta stop doin' that!" Butters put his hand over his rapidity pumping heart which was still going strong from the scare. "You scared me."

"Yeah, I noticed. Sorry Buttercup." Kenny sat down on the swing next to him again. They hadn't talked since Butters birthday. "Did you enjoy the party?"

"Huh?" Butters looked at Kenny confused before understanding. "Oh, yep. I enjoyed it. Might actually be one of the best birthdays I've had." He laughed quietly.

Kenny nodded, pulling the parka down from where it covered his mouth. He lit a cigarette. "Wendy told me you didn't celebrate it before."

It was Butters turn to nod.

"Why not?"

Butters looked at the ground, kicking the snow and pushing his knuckles together like he always did when he felt awkward. "I just never had friends before Wendy and my parents.." Butters didn't finish that sentence, Kenny probably knew his parents weren't the best, ever since that stupid Hawaii trip.

The silence was heavy and looking up at Kenny's face there was a lot of weird emotions he couldn't figure out so he kept talking. "B-but it's okay now! I have Wendy and Bebe and Kyle I think."

Kenny smiled crookedly "and me."

"Huh?"

Kenny feigns hurt but maybe it was real, Butters couldn't tell. "Buttercup, we're friends right?"

Butters had never actually thought of that. Sure they talked at times but they weren't that close. But he did really like talking to Kenny. Butters smiled, "Yeah, I'd guess so."

Kenny clutched his heart overdramatically, using his other hand to still smoke. "You guess so? Oh my poor heart."

Butter smiles while rolling his eyes, leaning over to punch Kenny in the arm. "Your heart will be just fine."

Kenny just gives him a large smile, showing off his teeth gaps. It's really endearing.

Kenny throws the cigarette on the soft snow below. It hisses before Kenny stomps it out.

He feels Kenny's eyes scan over his body and he flushes. "Wha-"

"Aren't you cold?"

Oh, yeah. He is. "Yes."

Kenny looks in the opposite direction. "It's really fucking cold out tonight."

Butters nods. "It's calming."

Kenny looks at him weirdly but if he has anything else to say he swallows it down.

"Ken?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I've changed?"

Kenny laughs, pulling his parka over his mouth again, muffling his voice and making it harder for Butters to hear him. "Yep. You've changed a lot."

Butters knocks his knuckles together. "In a bad way?"

Kenny shakes his head. "No, not in a bad way."

It's silent for a while before Kenny stands up. "Get home soon, don't want you dying of frostbite."

Butters shakes his head. "I don't wanna go home."

Kenny laughs in a sad way, "who does?" And then he's just gone.

Suddenly the wind isn't comfortable anymore, it's freezing and his feet feel like ice cubes.

Goddammit.

-

Butters and Kenny never talked in school (except that time Kenny returned his folder) and he didn't usually notice Kenny either. But lately he'd become more aware of the other position and when he was near.

It was.. weird. He noticed small things about him, like how he'd often be late, how he sometimes hung around Craig instead of Stan & Kyle or how sad his lunch actually was.

-

A few days later Butters snuck out during the night with hopes of talking to Kenny again. It's the first time he's snuck out with the intention of talking to him, but while their chats have been short, it's been one of the few interesting things in Butters life right now. He has barely even talked to his online friends.

Butters has to wait for a while, about 40 minutes he remarks but Kenny does show up eventually. It's not like they have some set time, or even plan these meetings on certain days but Butters didn't mind the wait. It was warmer than it had been in weeks afterall. 

"Were you waiting for me?" Kenny asks, raising an eyebrow as he sits in the swing next to Butters. How he knew, Butters will probably never find out.

He nods. Kenny has a conflicted expression on his face but it goes away as soon as the subject is changed.

Butters notices that Kenny has his hood down. His hair looks messy but in a good way? Bed Hair kind of. "You have your hood down." He remarks, wow, what an observation. Good job Butters.

Kenny snickers. "Thanks for noticing. It was warm enough not to wear it."

"I think it looks good this way," Kenny looks at him oddly and Butters flushes, scrambling for an explanation. "I mean- not that it didn't before! Just you should wear it like this more often! I mean- yeah." 

Keny laughs. It's honest and Butter smiles awkwardly, embarrassed. "Thank you _Leo_ , I'll be sure to have it like this more often." Butters flushes even more at the mention of his real name, looking away. Despite not seeing his face, Butters knows Kenny's smirking.

"Why are you out here so often?" Kenny asks. 

Butters huffs, the embarrassment mostly gone. "If I asked you the same thing, would you answer?"

"Only if you say please."

Butters huffs, looking in another direction.

He can hear Kenny laugh quietly again. It's small but it's a hundred percent real. "I don't want to be home and I have nowhere else to go."

Butters turns his head around quickly to stare Kenny in the eyes. They have the same reason. It feels like a connection is instantly formed even if Kenny can't feel it. Butter isn't sure why this is hitting him so hard in the feelings, but all he knows is that there are tears in the corner of his eyes. God, he's really a wimp isn't he?

"Butters..?" Kenny asks, almost cautious. Butters waves his hand at his face as if to say he's fine. 

"Me too," When Kenny looks confused Butters keeps going. "I don't want to be home, so I leave, go anywhere else."

Kenny gives him a hum. "I hear ya, if I can't sleep anyway, what point is there in staying still?" Butters doesn't think anyone has understood him like this before, not that he's really given anyone the chance to try, but still.

Butters nods furiously. "How do you get past your parents anyway? Last I heard they were quite.. overbearing." Butters feels like Kenny means something else but he doesn't ask. 

"I climb down the tree next to my window, they don't check my room during the night" Butters feels his eyebrows furrow. "or the day anymore."

Kenny looks like he wants to say something but whatever it is, he doesn't. Instead he just nods and lets it get quiet.

Butters clears his throat. "it's a nice night, isn't it?"

Kenny nods. "Craig would've loved this. Shame the fucker sleeps until 3pm." Butters laughs this time, he notices the smile Kenny gives him.

Yep, it's definitely a nice night. 

-

It's become a routine soon enough, 3-4 times they meet at night at the playground. A lot of it is silence and shivering from the cold but Butters doesn't think either of them mind it. He's gotten to know Kenny a lot better during this time, and he's pretty sure Kenny knows him a lot better as well. 

They don't speak much in school still, but it happens sometimes, simple 'hellos' exchanged in the hallways and things of the like. 

He'd never really properly been in Kenny's house and vice versa but somehow they'd ended up here, with him in Kenny's room at 3AM on a sunday morning. He was actually unsure of how he'd come here, they'd been talking on the swings when Kenny had gotten cold and just straight up asked if Butters would like to keep talking at his house. 

They'd gone through Kenny's window with Kenny telling him to be quiet as to not wake up his siblings or parents. Butter had just nodded. 

Kenny's room was messy but that was to be expected. Butters, however, nearly choked on air when he saw a few posters hung up on the wall of half naked women posing, a few of them topless. Kenny chuckled awkwardly, mouthing out the response of _my brother gave them to me_. Butters was pretty sure he was lying but he wasn't about to call him out about it. There were clothes everywhere, weird dents in the walls, his wardrobe door was obviously broken and most of all, there were a lot of weird, random stuff strung around the room. Butters sat down, carefully after looking after any stains, on Kennys bed next to him. He felt slightly awkward, out of place. His eye darted around the room more. Then he noticed the smell.

As quietly as he could he exclaimed "you smoke in your room?"

Kenny chuckled nervously, nodding. "Either it smells of old coffee and barf or smoke. I picked smoke." He said it as if it was such a simple thing. Butters didn't understand it but he didn't really need to, the smell wasn't completely awful, he could deal with it.

After a short bit of talking, it started to get quite warm in Kenny's room. Butters took off his jacket, and slowly, really slowly as to make sure his sleeves were still covering his mark, he took off his gloves, putting them in a neat pile in one of the few spots without stuff in Kenny's room. As he sat back down he he had one question on his mind.

"Ken?"

"Mm?"

"Do you have a soulmate yet?" Kenny looked at him oddly for a bit before laughing. 

"Yep."

"Well," Butters knocked his knuckles together. "Do you know who they are?"

Kenny laughed slightly, shaking his head, he laid down onto his pillows, face looking straight up. Butters followed. "I don't really care anyway."

Butters gasped. "How can you not care?"

Kenny shrugged, still looking straight up while Butters was looking at him. "I don't understand why you need a soulmate. You could go your whole life happily without ever knowing them. The only thing connecting you is a mark." Kenny sighed while Butters looked at him dumbfounded, "I don't believe the whole 'you always end up with your soulmate either."

Butters looked away from Kenny, his knuckles smashing again. He really needed to stop being so nervous always. "So you don't wanna get together with your soulmate?"

Kenny shrugged again. "Only if I want to be with them not just because they're my soulmate."

Butters was still in shock. "So you don't care about dating others that aren't your soulmate? Having _uhm_ \- sexual relations with people that aren't?"

Kenny snorted and Butters flushed again. Jesus he was easily embarrassed. "I'm not a virgin, Leo." Butters didn't know why Kenny always called him his real name but it didn't phase him like it had the first few times where he'd turned the color of a firetruck. 

Butters punched him playfully in the arm. "Sinner."

Kenny looked shocked for a few moments before he realised Butters was joking. Then he burst out in spluttering laughter. It was loud and unexpected from a crappy little joke Butters told but it was very welcome. So much for staying quiet.

Butters soon joined in on the laughing. Somehow getting closer to Kenny as he laughed, as the laughing stopped his head was on Kenny's chest. It was very comfortable and Butter was almost sure he would've fallen asleep if it weren't for the fact that he needed to leave soon to avoid being grounded. 

But that kind of went out the window as soon as Kenny reached over, grabbing his face in his hand and leading Butters face towards his. 

Butter thought it was okay for him to swear this once, even if only in his thoughts.

 _Oh shit_ was all he could think as Kenny's lips touched his.


	5. Sad Emoticons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I want to thank you all for the support once again, it's been really lovely. I love updating this because of it. So thank you all <3 
> 
> I also want to put it out there that I'm looking for a beta-reader, so if you're interested please be sure to contact me. Easiest ways are discord: Cryingcake#0270 and Twitter: @SnowBlizzardTW (also, anyone that isn't interested, feel free to add me on discord, I love meeting new people). 
> 
> Enjoy!

Butters was still, tense while Kenny didn't move, he just kept his lips pressed against Butters. Butters was stuck between an internal battle and being in shock.

This was his second kiss, the first one he'd had when we was ten, paying that girl on the playground at school to kiss him. That one was just so he could have his first kiss. One, admittedly very small part of him, was worried about being a bad kisser but maybe that wasn't an issue here since he still hadn't moved.

He felt Kenny's warm breath on his lips. 

Butters mind was a jumbled mess at the moment. Butters noticed that 'oh no he's not into it' expression flash across Kenny's face and then he was pulling away. Butters quickly realized he had about two seconds to decide if he was gonna kiss back or not and ruin their nice moment. 

But here's the thing about Butters, he doesn't often decide for his own. He lets other decide for him most of the time, even if they don't know it. So in a split second decision he grabs Kenny's face, maybe a slight bit too rough and pulled him back towards his lips.

The kiss was incredibly soft, even with Kenny's chapped lips. Butters tasted smoke on his lips and he was slightly disgusted by that but he wasn't about to let it ruin the moment. 

Laying on their sides eventually got uncomfortable. With Butters letting out a slight squeak Kenny hoisted him up so that he was hovering above him. Butters felt himself flush but Kenny was just grinning.

Despite protesting with himself, he sat down just above Kenny's pants. He closed his eyes due to the embarrassment, it did not help when Kenny leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Still care about saving yourself for you soulmate?" 

Butters nodded. He could see Kenny frowning when he opened his eyes again. "Do you wanna stop?" 

Butters didn't give a proper answer, or maybe it was, he wasn't actually sure but that's not the point. He kissed Kenny again. His eyes slipped close. 

They stayed like that for a long time kissing with their mouths open, although there was no tongue involved. Eventually Butters did have to leave, just to avoid his parents.

He picked up his jacket shrugging it on, he was pretty much on auto-pilot by this point. His mind was still a jumbled mess and he's got a lot to discuss with himself in the way of where his morals lie. He puts on his gloves and after saying goodbye climbs out of the window.

He needs to shower when he gets home, if he smells of smoke, oh man would his parents murder him. 

-

As soon as he got out of the shower he noticed that his mark has once again scarred over. It was unusual it happened this early in the morning but it did happen sometimes. 

Butters would probably never understand how Kenny would be satisfied never finding his soulmate. Then again, he had just kissed the guy for about half an hour, so maybe he shouldn't be judging Kenny for not caring about his soulmate.

-

Butters wonders how Kenny got his number, but it's not like it matters, he has it so there's not much to do about that. Not that he really want to do anything about it.

They haven't talked for a few days since they had that long kiss. Butters has thought about it a lot these past days, only coming to the conclusion that he couldn't do stuff like that. No matter what Kenny thinks about soulmates and their unimportance, Butters had always said he'd save himself for his soulmate, no matter what.

But then again, Butters wasn't much for making his own decisions. 

Right, the text message. Butters had just woken up and reached for his phone to look at the time. It was Saturday so he didn't really have much to do. He had a new message from an unknown number, which in itself wasn't weird, he'd get a few text messages from companies trying to sell things, all of which he ignored. The message simply stated, ' _Hi_ ' which was weird. Butters wasn't gonna be rude and not write back, so he did. A just as simple ' _Hello_ '. The number revealed itself to be Kenny. 

They chatted practically all day. It was actually a bit different from when they talked in real life, where there would be long pauses of silence, not that Butters minded the silence but he liked this too.

Butters was slightly concerned when Kenny hadn't once mentioned the kiss, but maybe that was for the better, so Butters didn't have to go through admitting that he was still gonna wait for his soulmate. 

For the first time, one of the meetings in the middle of the night was a planned event and Butters was quite excited for it, he hadn't talked to Kenny in a couple of days and while texting was fun an' all, he looked forward to talking to him for real.

He seemed to be running late, which was acceptable y'know? People can be late for reasonable reasons, doesn't have to mean he doesn't wanna meet. Heck, it was Kenny who asked if Butters would be there tonight, so why would he purposely be late?

It's somewhere around the one hour mark where Butters realizes he's not coming. 

Butters might not be angry often, but he doesn't exactly take kindly to being stood up. He's mad, he thinks at least. He's cold and it's just started snowing, which just makes him cold, wet and angry, or at least irritated. 

He can't go home either, since his parents would just wake up from his walking around angrily. Butters doesn't think he can walk normally anyway. 

Because of this he just ends up stomping around town, angry and wanting the snow in his hair to please stop melting.

Maybe it's the fact that it's the only thing open, or maybe it's the fact that there's someone he knows behind the counter but nonetheless Butter walks into Tweek bros. He didn't even know they were open so late.

Not expecting visitors most likely Tweek squeaks, jumping around before breathing out a sigh of relief at Butters face, even though he's pretty sure he looks mad, or maybe he just looks tired. He doesn't feel mad much anymore, he just doesn't want to go back home. The angry walk around town did help somewhat with his sour mood.

"Butters, hi, welcome- _ngh_ \- what can I get you?" Tweek puts down his phone on the counter, getting up from the chair behind it.

"Just a regular coffee please," Butters puts a two dollar bill on the counter. "Why are you guys still open?"

Tweek takes the money, sighing. "My dad wants to try and see if people come in at night as well."

"Have you just been sitting here for hours?"

Tweek gives off a large twitch, "yes." Butters thinks that sounds horrible and from the look on Tweek's face he agrees.

While Tweek is making the coffee, Butters looks at him. He thinks it's interesting how he operates with only one hand. 

Tweek comes back soon enough with the coffee, seemingly he's bored because he tried to pull Butters into a conversation. "So why are you up so late?"

Butters sighs, swirling the paper coffee cup in his hand. Tweek apparently notices his discomfort and suggest they sit down in one of the booths. "Nobody's been here since ten anyway." Tweek says.

Butters takes a small sip of the coffee. He really isn't one for coffee but it does make him feel a little better. "I was supposed to meet someone but they didn't show up."

Tweek raises an eyebrow, "in the middle of the - _oh god_ \- night?" Butters nods. Tweek snorts. "Are you sure they didn't just fall asleep?"

Butters nods, Kenny had texted him when he was on his way. 

Tweek snorts. "Wow, what a dick."

Butters look up, surprise obvious on his face. He almost wants to argue against it, Kenny's really, really kind but- while he might not be a d*ck himself, it certainly was a d*ck move. Butters takes a big glug of the coffee. "He's not."

Tweek shakes his head. "You're too kind Butters." Butters doesn't think he is at all, he actually sees himself as quite mean. 

"He's really not," Butter sighs. "He's really kind." It's starting to get warm so Butters takes off both his jacket and gloves, not bothering to care if Tweek sees his mark at the moment. 

Tweek leans back on the booth seats, "standing someone up isn't kind, Butters."

Butters mumbles the reply of, "I know that." He takes another sip of the coffee before taking up his phone, having the full intention of asking Kenny what the heck that was for. It's not like he's never been stood up before (not in like a date way or anything, but just to hangout) but he actually thought Kenny liked him. Halfway into tapping on Kenny's contact Tweek lets out a high pitched sound that scares Butters so much he drops his phone into his lap. 

"Y-you're- _oh man oh man_ \- I-I'm so-" Tweek stutters, his eyes wide and face full of panic for some reason Butters can't understand. 

"What?" Tweek points to his arm and Butters follows his line of sight. Oh, his mark must've scarred over somewhere in the past two hours since he last saw it. He isn't sure if he should play it off as if he knows or not. Scarred marks at their age aren't really common. The only one who he knows that has one (that isn't screwed up and is permanently scarred) is Jimmy, the poor fella. "Huh? Oh yeah, my mark."

Tweek nods, "I'm so sorry Butters, I had - _nghh_ \- no idea."

Butters sighs, shaking his head. "It's fine." Maybe his soulmate really is dead, and somehow is mark is just messed up because of some skin issue. Butters might just have to accept that he will never find his soulmate and try to move on. Easier said than done. "Just don't tell anyone," he doesn't want some rumor spreading that his soulmate is dead, that would just lead to unwanted attention. 

Tweek nods sharply, taking in large breaths full of air. It must be exhausting to be Tweek Butters thinks, his mind works 24/7 without a break. He kind of feels bad for him, but there's not much to do since they're not even really friends. He does like Tweek however, they just don't really talk. Butters takes one last large sip of his coffee, shaking the empty cup. "Do you want another one? On the house." Butters nods. Tweek makes one for himself too. 

"How do you manage? With one hand I mean?" Butters asks when he gets back. 

Tweek visibly flinches, then he sighs. Butters is just about to apologize, thinking he struck a nerve when Tweek answers. "You get used to it, couldn't do jack shit for the first month and a half." Tweek laughs, admittedly very quietly, "just glad it wasn't my dominant hand." Butters chuckles. He wants to ask why he cut it off, but he knows Tweek is impulsive, it was probably just a split second decision as soon as he saw it there.

"You should tell him off." Tweek says after a bit of silence.

"Huh?"

"The guy who stood you up, you should tell him he's a dick." Before Butters can even come to Kenny's defense, Tweek starts talking again. "I know, I know, not a dick, fine. Just tell him he's _being_ an ass then." Butters shakes his head.

"He probably hates me."

Tweek looks sympathetic. "Well, then you'll just have to move on. I'm - _ngh_ \- sorry but there's not much else to do." 

Butters nods. "Have you ever been stood up?" 

Tweek shakes his head at first but then he furrows his eyebrows and nods. "I know he doesn't mean too but Craig has stood me up plenty of times." 

Butters is horrified. "And you're still with him?!"

Tweek smiles, "Yep. He sleeps in so late that he often misses if we have something planned. Nothing can wake him either," Tweek laughs, it's more genuine this time, "Craig cooks when he's apologizing y'know? I know he's sorry every time and the food is so good that I can't exactly stay mad."

Butters was aware that Craig often came late to school but he didn't know that he had actual problems with waking up. He just thought he was skipping. "You're not mad about it?"

Tweek shakes his head, "Not after a while. I always am, at first. I've just learned that you need to be spontaneous and plan things on the spot with Craig, or make sure he doesn't sleep."Butters doesn't think he's ever seen Tweek this calm. He's still twitching, but less than usual.

There's something in the pit of his stomach. With slight horror he realizes that he's jealous of Tweek, of how happy he seems even when talking about Craig's faults, the soft smile on his face. With a startling feeling he realizes that he wants to feel that way about someone, have someone smile softly while talking about him. 

He just wants to be loved in general. The kind of love nobody's given him yet, not even his parents. Like he's something they can't go without. Maybe that's why he's so obsessed with meeting his soulmate.

Just maybe.

-

Butters never ends up texting Kenny anything. He gets a _good morning_ text the next morning, which he ignores. He feels really bad about. He feels bad about even leaving spam texts on read but he's trying not to give in so easily. To make Kenny realize what he did was wrong.

But Kenny doesn't even acknowledge what he did was wrong. Just keeps texting him sad emoticons for every message Butters leaves him on read on.

-

He's at Wendy's. She's chatting on about how Stan and Kyle are in a couples dispute right now but Butters can't bring himself to care much. He does hear her hopeful tone, but doesn't even bother to tell her that Stan is always gonna chose Kyle, no matter what she does.

He's thinking about Kenny. _Again_. It's not like he doesn't try to forget but despite him being one of Butters closest friends he was also his first ever proper kiss. He's gotten a few messages from Kenny these last few days. Things like 'what did i do?' 'Buttercup R U mad' (the spelling of which does actually make Butters slightly annoyed) and last but not least a whole lot of '):' which Butters does not want to admit he find adorable.

He hasn't talked to anyone except Tweek about this. And he's kind of getting close to his breaking point.

Wendy is still talking on, he feels bad for not listening but he's heard this same speech about Stan plenty of times.

He focuses on typing a response instead. He's not happy with how it came out but he's not happy with Kenny acting like he did nothing wrong either. ' _Thought you didn't wanna talk to me_ '

The reply is immediate. ' _When did i evr say that_ '

Butters feels the tiny bit of rage he has in his body bubble up inside him. ' _Oh idk when you stood me up maybe??_ '

It takes Kenny a while to answer, during which Wendy doesn't even notice he's staring angrily at his phone.

' _Come over_ '

Is he- is he kidding him right now? ' _No_ '

' _There's a good reason_ '

' _Text me it then_ '

It takes Kenny a bit to answer, during which Butters says a sentence to Wendy so she wont notice how mad he is at the moment. Butters doesn't think he's been this mad since that stupid hawaii trip. The stupid hawaii trip he took with Kenny.

' _I got mugged_ '

Butters wants to be surprised- he **is** surprised. But he's also still very mad. ' _You couldn't tell me this why?_ '

Kenny takes a while to answer again, just what is he doing?

' _I thought i already had an u were just ignoring me 4 no reason_ '

Butters doesn't buy it. He wants to buy it, wants to be as gullible as he was when he was a kid. He thinks back on what Tweek said, about Craig standing him up becuase of his irregular sleeping pattern. He sighs, Wendy doesn't notice this either. He's still mad but he can't fault someone for getting mugged (if it really did happen that is).

' _Fine, alright. Sorry I was ignoring you._ '

-

They get back into the pattern of talking. Except they don't meet at night anymore, nor do they really talk at school. Now that Butters thinks about it, they've really only been texting.

When he wants to get out of the house in the middle of the night he now goes to Tweek Bros Coffee both because it's better than being out in the freezing cold now that November is approaching and that he thinks Tweek appreciates the company when his job is just to sit there for hours. Butters does too.

He does have to sleep sometimes however and can't be there. He doesn't understand how Tweek is able to only get two hours of sleep every night and for his mind to still be as overactive as it is.

He hangs around Wendy in school however. Stan and Kyle appear to have made up which makes her sad as usual for a bit. Butters knows it's a vicious circle that she keeps putting herself in, despite his and Bebe's protests.

Kenny asks him to sit with him for lunch, and Butters does. It's awkward and he feels he like doesn't belong. He hasn't really sat with them since the sixth grade.

Cartman makes fun of him as usual but Butters can put up with that. Stan ignores him pretty much, and Butters can deal with that too. Kyle asks a few things here and there and Butters can definitely deal with that. What he can't deal with however are the sweet, soft smiles Kenny gives him. It makes his stomach turn oddly and he feels dizzy.

When he tells Tweek about this later, leaving out Kenny's name, Tweek just smiles and teases him about his crush.

Butters is conflicted the whole day after that.

Kenny isn't his soulmate. He's pretty damn sure of that. Not 100% but like, very, very sure. It's pretty uncommon with same sex couples anyway.

But he wants to date him. Do couple things with him. Things that he knows Kenny would call him lame for.

They still haven't discussed the kiss. They still haven't fully discussed the fact that Kenny stood him up. Despite this, Butters wants to fall asleep in his arms.

Kenny, the person who everyone calls a f-wordboy, the person who's most definitely not his soulmate.

He's disgusted with himself.

Tweek thinks he should go for it.

Butters doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The censoring of swearwords is intentional btw, Butters doesn't swear even in his mind.


	6. Fake Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta littledemon66 for all their help <3
> 
> And thank all of you for your continued support, it really does mean a lot and helps me want to get chapters out quicker <3 (:

Butters is once again in Wendy's room as she's talking to him about how after her trip to Denver, she got her mark. She's extremely excited when she shows him. It's actually really beautiful, if he squints it kind of looks like a butterfly, or some kind of deformed bird. He tells Wendy this and she absolutely beams. Butters hopes this is a way for her to get over Stan.

They spend the whole day talking about ways for Wendy to figure out who it is.

Butters doesn't think of Kenny once.

-

It's Token's birthday which Butters is aware means a giant party where drunk high schoolers hook up in the Black's family bathrooms.

Yeah, Butters wasn't much for parties. Not that he's ever been to one, just that he's pretty sure he won't enjoy it, at all.

Somehow Bebe and Wendy manage to get him to agree to be there, at least for an hour.

So here he is, standing by the Black’s family staircase, drinking Sprite from a red cup and watching about 30 sweaty high schoolers dance. He feels like he doesn't belong. Wendy is long gone, god knows where while Bebe is drunkenly trying to flirt it up with Clyde, who's taken.

Butters takes out his phone, scrolling through Instagram before he decides that he's been here long enough to know he doesn't like it. He doesn't feel like going through the swarm of dancing teenagers so instead he decides to go out through the backyard.

The kitchen has a few people in it, Stan is doing shots with Jenny Simmons and Token. Kyle is standing near the wall, scowling. Craig is also there, drinking straight out of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Butters walks past them all, out into Token's backyard. He decides to put a halt on going home for a little bit the moment he sees Token's family has one of those patio swings. He sits down, enjoying the cold, even though it's November. The patio swing makes a soundly creaking noise as it begins moving slowly.

He couldn't help but think of the swings at the playground. He hadn't gone there for two weeks now, hadn't talked to Kenny outside of school and texting for two weeks either.

Butters thought that might actually be good for him. He was very conflicted about his current emotions about Kenny. It seemed Butters might have a teeny, tiny, like really, really small crush on the guy.

...

Okay, maybe he just had a regular crush.

Butters hated himself for it. Not only was Kenny the most perverted person in the whole town probably (except maybe Mr. Slave) but he was also not Butters' soulmate.

Kenny didn't care about that, Kenny didn't mind the fact that Butters wasn't his soulmate, he'd kissed him because he _wanted_ to. Butters did however, no matter how much it didn't matter in the end, it had been hammered into his head so much from his parents when he was a child that it was practically impossible not to care.

He didn't want to care, but he did. It wasn't like it mattered, Butters was pretty sure he didn't have a soulmate anyway or they were just dead and something was seriously wrong with his skin. Despite that, Butters cared. He cared so much it was scary.

He felt the patio swing shift with the weight of someone beside him. "Hey," speak of the devil. Except Butters is pretty sure he might be an angel, a perverted angel, but an angel nonetheless.

Butters flushed. He hadn't talked to Kenny since he figured out he had a crush on the guy. "Hiya Ken." He managed despite how red his face felt.

"Why are you just sitting here when there's a party inside?"

Butters knocked his knuckles together. "I don't like parties."

Kenny hummed as if to acknowledge his statement. "Then why did you come?"

Butters squirmed, "Wendy and Bebe dragged me. I didn't really have a choice."

Kenny laughs. "Sounds like Bebe."

Butters looks up at him curiously. "Since when are you and Bebe friends?"

Kenny looks at him disbelieving. "Seriously?"

Butters was confused. He looked straight into Kenny's eyes. "Seriously what, Ken?"

Kenny laughed quietly. "You're really too innocent, Buttercup." He looks at him with disbelief again. "You really didn't notice me and Bebe had a thing?"

No, Butters honestly hadn't. He thought Bebe had always had her eyes on Clyde, even though he was taken. He shakes his head.

Kenny hummed again as he took up a beer can he was carrying, that Butters completely missed, and drank from it.

"Are you drunk?"

Kenny laughed, pulling his parkas hood down from his face. "Drunk? No. Tipsy? Maybe."

Butters wasn't exactly sure what to make of that. He'd only ever seen his parents drunk before his birthday party but he didn't really remember much of the party anyway.

"Ken?"

"Mm?"

"Why aren't you going inside? You came here for the party but you're just sitting here, outside."

Kenny gives him a small smile. "I like talking to you. I don't have to be a third wheel around you since every single fucker in South Park is apparently in a relationship, or very close with their best friend." As if he's gotten himself mad and needs to calm himself down, Kenny takes out and lights a cigarette.

Butters nods. "I get what you mean. Wendy is my closest friend an’ all but I'll always come third to Bebe and Stan."

Kenny snorts around the cigarette in his mouth, smoke comes out in a cloud as he takes it out. "She's still hung up on him?"

Butters nods. "I'm hoping this guy in Denver will help her get over him." Kenny doesn't say anything else, but Butters wants to keep talking to him. "Why do you never call me Butters?"

Kenny gives him another smile and it's genuine and honest that it makes Butters melt from the inside out. "I don't really know. It just doesn't feel right. To me you're Buttercup around people and Leo in private."

Butters experiences, for the first time, an extreme want to both kiss someone and hide his whole face in his palms and never talk to anyone again because he's so embarrassed.

He hides his red face in his palms.

Kenny laughs.

When he's brave enough to actually take his face out of his palms, hoping and praying his face isn't red as a tomato, Kenny asks him if he wants to do something sometime.

Butters looks at him confused. "Like what?"

"Like, hang out not in the middle of the night." Kenny shrugs and Butters flushes, _again_.

"O-Oh. Uhm- yes. I'd like that." He thinks Kenny's asking him out for a date but he's not a hundred percent sure. Kenny's known as the town f-boy after all.

"Cool. Like tomorrow or something? We could hangout somewhere."

Butters nods. He knows the second Kenny says 'somewhere' that he doesn't have a place in mind. Butters knows where he'd be most comfortable. "Tweek Bros?"

Kenny nods, "cool with me."

"Cool." Butters repeats because while he's not like sure-sure, he's pretty sure he's going on a date with Kenny McCormick and that kind of makes his brain short-circuit. All that talk about only dating his soulmate really went out of the window didn't it?

But Butters can't even bring himself to care about that, because Kenny's asked him on a date and he's beaming inside. He knows he is, although he's trying not to show it.

Kenny throws his cigarette on the ground but before he can even stomp it out, Butters does it instead. Kenny raises an eyebrow, questioning.

"I've always wanted to do that."

Kenny gets this weird look on his face that Butters can't quite figure out. Then he starts laughing, Butters joining in soon enough for no reason. They really don't have a reason for laughing, or at least Butters doesn't but he wants to. Just to enjoy the moment.

-

Butters is a mess the next day. He's nervous as heck when waking up. He ends up having to make some lame excuse to his parents why he's leaving the house. He doesn't think they listen anyway. They honestly just seem like they've given up on trying to discipline him, or maybe just given up on him in general, Butters isn't sure.

He wanted to go to Tweek Bros because he knows it's probably the only public place where he feels comfortable, he spends too many nights in that place for it not to feel secure, even though he knows there'll be more people than just him and Tweek this time. Despite how much he knows that Tweek Bros was the best place, it doesn't help his nerves at all.

He takes two wrong turns just walking over there because he's not paying attention to where he's going, which in turn makes him a little late. Butters is never late, and he especially doesn't wanna be late on his first date. He is, however.

If Kenny minds at all, he's nice enough not to mention it, or the fact that Butters is out of breath, like he'd just ran three streets, which he did.

Butters sits down at the booth, trying to catch his breath. He's not sure if he's late but decides to apologize still. "Sorry if I'm late."

Kenny shakes his head, "it's cool, dude." Kenny seemingly never gets nervous and Butters isn't sure if that makes him more nervous or less. Surprisingly, this is when Butters realizes he doesn't know a single thing Kenny likes to do.

"So," he starts, stretching his back against the booth and trying to act natural. He can tell he's absolutely failing at that when he catches Tweek looking at him and snickering before going back to making coffee. "What do you do for fun?"

Kenny raises an eyebrow at Butters, "you mean like my hobbies?" 

Butters nods. Kenny gets this weird look on his face that Butters can't figure out. "I guess not much, I like watching NASCAR. Sometimes Kevin will take me to one of those competitions where you hire a monster truck and try to drive over and crash into other people in monster trucks, but that's only about once or twice a year." Butters is horrified at the violence of such competitions and hopes Kenny isn't planning on ever competing. "Basically the most white-trash things you could think off."

Butters eases up at this statement. "I guess that'd be so. But you don't have any hobbies that aren't just once in a while?"

Kenny gets that weird look on his face again, Butters might not be the most perceptive ever but it's pretty clear Kenny has some hobby he's not willing to admit too. Butters is fine with that, in some way, he has things he doesn't wanna admit either. "Not really, no. I like playing games but we don't really have a game console at my house." Butters feels kind of bad for Kenny, not that he has a game console either, he's never really wanted one or been particularly interested in games. "What about you, Buttercup?"

Butters knocks his knuckles together, all in all, he doesn't really have any hobbies either. "I don't think I have that many either. I like cooking and baking and uh- flower arrangement I guess? But there's not that many flowers in South Park." Butter thinks about this more, "Well, except that time a year all the snow melts away for a week."

Kenny laughs, "do you remember when we were kids and we had no clue what to do without the snow?"

Butters smiles at the memories. "Yeah, everyone was so angry at that time, nobody figured out that you could just go inside."

"Right! I thought that too."

"What do you fuckheads want?" Craig's nasally voice can be heard, he's wearing an apron and obviously working today. 

Butters tries to shrink himself to act as small as possible. He's not really scared of Craig, he knows as long as you don't badmouth Stripe or Tweek you're fine, but Craig still towers over him and that itself makes him kind of intimidating. "Craig, is that anyway to treat your lovely customers?" Kenny flutters his eyelashes and Butters can barely hold in his laugh.

"Fuck you McCormick, now tell me what you're gonna order." Butters has an irking suspicion this is why Kenny chose to not walk up to the counter and order like most everyone does and sit straight down instead. 

Kenny looks like he's about to retort the statement. As much as Butters find it funny seeing Kenny and Craig bicker, they're kind of on a date-ish-type thing. "A chai latte please."

Craig looks at him, "dude that's so fucking gay."

"You're gay," Kenny retorts and Butters can't help the snicker that makes its way out of his mouth on its own. 

"Right on, now what will it be, future prostitute?"

Kenny laughs, "fuck you Tucker, I'll just have a black coffee."

"That's Tweek’s job, I don't know how happy he'll be to hear he's got competition." Craig is still stone-faced. Maybe that's why he's so intimidating, because his face never really changes, even when you can tell he's enjoying himself. "I'll be back in a sec." Craig leaves.

Butter is kind of gobsmacked, to say the least. "He called you a future prostitute." 

"Yep, the fucker."

"But uh- you guys are friends right? I mean-" Butters knocks his knuckles together. "I get calling your friend 'stupid' an 'idiot' an all that since that's always what Eric called me but, that seems kinda harsh."

Kenny shrugs. "It's just how we joke, neither of us mean anything by it and I don't really care if he did mean it either."

Butters admires how Kenny can just joke about anything. Sometimes he feels so weak in front of people who don't care when someone calls them ugly names or swear words. He should be used to it by now, he lives in South Park after all, but he's really not. They don't really hurt his feelings, just get him down in the dumps for a few minutes before he's okay again. 

"Oh, I think that's pretty cool," before he's forced to deal with what he's currently saying Craig returns, dropping off their coffees. "Do you have a headache?"

Kenny looks at him confused, taking a sip of his coffee, "huh?"

"I mean, you were at a party yesterday."

"Oh, no. I didn't get drunk enough to have a hangover."

"So you didn't stay after I left?"

"I did, just didn't drink much," Kenny shrugs while Butters takes a big drink of his coffee.

They talk for a bit more, about an hour or so, about really nothing. Small talk. A little about the future where Butters learn that Kenny _actually_ doesn't want to be a prostitute. Butters tells him about his, in his opinion, far fetched dream of owning a flower-shop.

Every time Butters looks up, he can see Tweek looking at them before going back to whatever he was doing. He's probably figured it out that it's been Kenny that Butters has talked about the last couple of weeks. 

After that they walk in the direction of Butters’ house together. They have to keep their distance from his house, since for some ungodly reason, Butters’ parents hate Kenny with a burning passion. He's pretty sure that if they saw that their son was on a date with the guy… he'd be dead.

Butters shudders at the thought. Speaking of dates.. "I had a lot of fun." Butters says as they get to about as far as they can go without being seen by the Stotches. Butters isn't sure if they care anymore, but he's not willing to take the risk.

Kenny gives him a sweet smile that makes up for the fact that it's freezing cold. "Yeah, you're alright to hang out with during the day too." 

Then they just stand there until Kenny turns around, waving his hand backwards and going "see ya dude," before walking in the opposite direction. Butters grabs his wrist and stops him.

"W-Well- aren't ya gonna kiss me?"

Kenny's eyebrows reach high up on his forehead. "That would make this seem like a date." He shakes his head.

"Wait- wait what?" 

Then Kenny's pulling down his parka, and leaning down slightly to give him a quick peck. Butters is just too horrified to react. "This- This wasn't a date?"

Kenny doesn't look mad, or shocked or anything, just confused. "No?"

Butters splutters, talking _way_ too loud, the color drains from his face. "B-But we kissed?" He slams his knuckles together, aggressively, because he doesn't understand.

He can hear Kenny chuckle, normally that'd calm him but he's just confused and frustrated at the moment. "I think I've kissed like 50 percent of the people our age in South Park."

Butters is horrified again. God dammit- he really should've just.. waited for his soulmate.

"Wait, you thought this was a date?"

"Yes!" Butters exclaims because he's embarrassed and he doesn't know what to do at the moment.

"I thought you really cared about waiting for your soulmate."

"I- I did." Butters admits, his mood shifting and voice much quieter. "But I was willing to give that up- to not care."

Kenny's face drops. "Seriously?" It's not a sarcastic or a mean tone, it's a sincere, curious one.

"Yep, but uh- I best get going now alright? You go on home too alright, fella?"

He can see Kenny thinking, and when he turns around, Kenny does the same thing Butters did to him, he grabs his wrist. "Leo, wait. I want to get this straight."

Butters doesn't look at him, too embarrassed, especially now that Kenny's using his real name. 

"You thought we were on a date? Because we had kissed once?"

Butters nods, now realizing that maybe that's stupid. He can't see Kenny's face, even when he turns back around to face him, because Kenny's looking down slightly and his parka covers what’s left to see of his face. Butters assumes the gears are turning in his brain and that any minute now, he'd get a fist to the face. The rational side of him says that's not true and that Kenny's mostly a pacifist.

Kenny lifts his head up, looking at Butters face. "Do you want to go out on a date?"

"What?"

"Do you want to go out on a date?" Kenny repeats. 

"Uhm, a real one?"

"Yep, a real one." At first Butters isn't sure what to say but then Kenny smiles sweetly and all thoughts in his head fly away, leaving only one.

"Sure do." He pauses. "Want too, I mean."

Kenny snickers and maybe it will be okay. Maybe you really are supposed to make your own destiny. Heck, despite the debates with himself over his soulmate, Butter had thought less about them than he's ever done.

He can't say he's too disappointed with making his own future either.


	7. Lilies & Breakdows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter, kind of sudden I know but that's how I like it haha. Thank you all again for the kudos and wonderful comments, it's been a really short but lovely journey to writing this.
> 
> I also need to thank my wonderful beta-reader littledemon66 who helps keep my bilingual ass in check, and who has also been a really nice person just to talk too. 
> 
> Thank you all, it's been really nice! (: I hope you will all be satisfied with the ending, though sudden.

Butters is a mess, again. But more than before because now he's sure that Kenny's asked him on a date.

The actual date is two days away but Butters is _still_ a mess.

He decides to pay Tweek a visit that night, just to vent. Tweek is a surprisingly good listener and Butters doesn't mind when Tweek has something on his mind and needs to get it out either. Butters has never minded his twitches particularly much either. 

This particular night is a bit different though. Butters has his head on the table before Tweek's even done making them coffee.

Tweek slides the cup towards him, going "oof, bad night?"

Butters shakes his head. "No, good. Too good."

Tweek raises his eyebrows, "does it have something to do with Kenny?"

Butters nods.

" _Oh god_ , Butters? Did you-?"

Butters look up at him, stricken. "N-No!" Butters notices how calm Tweek usually is at this time. Maybe it's because it's just them or for some other reason, but he's barely twitching anyway.

"So what happened? _Ngh_ \- I saw you with Kenny here earlier."

"I thought we were on a date."

"You _thought_?" 

"Yep, it wasn't."

Butters lifts his head slightly, seeing Tweek's furrow, like he can't figure out how Butters mind works at all. Butters laughs quietly to himself because he can't figure out how Tweek's mind operates. "And you're happy about that?"

Butters lifted his head fully, letting it rest on his closed fist. "Yep, he asked me out on an actual date when he found out I thought it was one."

Tweek shakes his head. "Ugh, how do you deal with shit like that. I could - _ngh_ \- never, man!"'

Butters laughs, looking to his side at the big window. It's nighttime, maybe somewhere around 2 am, though he's not sure. What he is sure of however, is that he's growing sleepy but he feels a little too giddy to go to bed. "I know." He drinks his coffee to wake him up slightly. 

"So you've given up on finding your soulmate?" Tweek asks and Butters taps his coffeecup because, _no_ , no he's not. 

"Uh- I don't think so," he shakes his head. "I've just kind of accepted that I'm probably never going to find them." He sighs. "I mean- jeez, what if it was that Jolene kid that moved away in kindergarten? Or any of those other kids that moved away before that- I'll probably never find them. I- I like Kenny y'know? He's kind and caring and probably the most hardworking person in all of South Park and he understands me, I think. It's just- I don't know. I like him."

Tweek gives him a warming smile. "Hey man, no skin off my back if you do. I - _ngh_ \- get it. People say Craig's an asshole but he's _my_ asshole. I wouldn't have cared if you liked Cartman."

Butters flips his head around to look at Tweek so fast and hard he almost gets whiplash, "Eric?!" he exclaims as quietly as he can although he's not sure why, it's later than midnight and the town's basically dead at this point. Not that anyone would care even if it wasn't.

Tweek laughs, showing off his crooked smile. "I didn't mean you did. Just an example. I meant like I don't care who you like, as long as they treat you well, which ah- I doubt he would but I think you get the point."

Butters flushes, embarrassed and slightly grossed out. He sticks his tongue out in disgust, "ew, he wouldn't he'd be like ' _ey, get this b-word off of me_ ' if I ever tried anything." He does his best Eric Cartman impression. "But I wouldn't because that's disgusting and gross and ew."

Tweek laughs again and Butters can't help the smile sneaking its way up his face.

-

The next day Butters does his usual school routine, listening to music while the bus takes off on its way to school.

His classes are mostly boring as usual, he's never been especially interested in school but he has always liked the social aspect of it. He does his schoolwork and gets decent grades, since his parents would most likely murder him if they were to be called in.

He's not bullied anymore, hasn't been for a long time since now he just usually stays out of everyone's way.

But that doesn't make school fun.

He tries to sit with Wendy and the other girls as he usually does only to find out their having some sort of secret girls only meeting.

Butters sighs before sitting down at Kenny's table. He likes sitting there sometimes but right now, he's feeling a bit too nervous.

Despite that, lunch goes by without trouble. He mostly focuses on eating anyway, his body a pleasant buzz from just the close proximity of being near Kenny. Cartman does ask him "what the fuck's wrong with Butters?" but luckily Kyle tells him to fuck off and they start arguing instead. Butters notices how hard Stan pinches the bridge of his nose while they argue, Kenny just sighs and listens in.

His parents berate him for no reason when he gets home. Butters thinks it's actually the first time they've spoken to him in weeks. Butters simultaneously hates and loves them, he loves them because they're his parents and he'd have been dead if it weren't for them. But the fact that they also tried to kill him once isn't helping his distaste. 

So he gets grounded, but it really doesn't matter. They're going to visit his aunt tomorrow anyway so he doesn't really have to worry about being grounded and he can always just sneak out. He's gonna move out at 18 anyway.

-

The next day Butters is a complete mess, even more so than before the last "date" they had. He tries fixing his hair but it just fluffs down on top of his head like ice cream swirling and he can't get this one tangle out of his hair. Suddenly he doesn't feel confident in anything, not like he ever has but he was kind of hoping to be at least a little confident with Kenny, he'd heart that was, as embarrassing as it is, attractive to most guys. 

Picking out his clothes doesn't go well either, he's got five hours until Kenny shows up and he's still going back and forth in his room, pacing like he's got five minutes to pick out an outfit for the Grammy nomination gala. It's pathetic but it feels good to be this pathetic over someone, it feels nice that someone can make him feel this way, that someone has a piece of his heart and sure, maybe it would be scary but Butters trusts Kenny wholeheartedly. 

He eventually decides on just a standard pair of jeans which slightly cover his feet since his legs are too short. Looking at himself in the mirror makes him unsure of his looks but he tries to not let that bother him.

Butters isn't sure what to do now, he still has four hours until Kenny's arrival. They're supposed to go for an evening stroll around town and then back to Butters' house for movies. Kenny had admitted that he couldn't really do anything that he needed to pay for, and Butters didn't really care how much an outing was, as long as he enjoyed it. 

He spent one hour just doing nothing, two hours fiddling around on his phone and texting Tweek about how nervous he was (Tweek took forever to write back because of his disability, so it took quite a bit) and the last hours going back and forth around his room enough until he'd needed to brush his hair again.

Kenny was running late and Butters frowned, hopeful that he wasn't being stood up again. If he was- then that was it, mister! No more chances! 

Butters didn't have to wait too long (except the five hours he spent doing nothing) since his doorbell chimed. Butters’ dad had installed a custom doorbell which had a recorded voice. Butters flushed at the "someone's at the fucking door, Linda!" that could be heard through the whole house. It was worse when he heard Kenny's muffled laughter through the door at the sound of the doorbell.

With slightly pink cheeks, he opened the door, greeted with Kenny's usual outfit. His orange parka which Butters had recently found out he's sewed himself since he was a kid. His mouth was uncovered but the parka's hood was still up, obscuring his hair. Kenny's arms were behind his back.

"Hiya Ken," Butters said, reaching beside him to grab his jacket. 

"Hey Buttercup." 

"You ready to go?"

"Just hold on a second." In a moment of timidness, which was weird for Kenny, he slowly stretched his hand that was behind his back forwards, it was holding a lily. Butters wondered briefly how Kenny had gotten a hold of a flower in South Park of all places. The only town in Colorado where snow was constant (well, except for one week each year but nobody really talks about that). 

Instead Butters rubbed his closed fists together, "well, gee Ken, thank you." He went quickly into the kitchen and put it in a bowl with water, telling himself that he'll put it in his room when he gets home, he couldn't just leave it out on the kitchen table since his parents would find it then.

The walk began slow, the both of them seemingly nervous. Butter had never, ever seen Kenny nervous. So, being as curious as he is, Butter inquired about this. 

"You seem nervous."

Kenny nodded, chuckling lowly. "I've never really done this."

Butters stops dead in his tracks, it's cold out and they're just now passing by the photo studio on the main street. He thinks it's somewhere around 9pm. "You've never…” he repeats, "huh?"

Kenny huffs, shoving his hands into his pockets, pointedly not looking at Butters. "I've never done the whole date thing."

Butters is at a loss, yet he continues walking, they have no destination in mind. Or at least he doesn't. "You haven't? But didn't you and Bebe have a- a thing?" 

"Yeah, but not romantically."

"S-So you guys were-?"

Kenny nods. "Yep."

"So really you've never been on a date?" Butters find himself asking when they pass Scott Malkinson's house. 

Kenny gives him a smirk, raising an eyebrow "have you?"

"Well- no," but then Butters thinks about it harder. "Actually- uh- yes I have."

"Seriously?"

"Someone dared Tammy Nelson to go out with me in the 7th grade. I uh- think she was mostly just bored the whole time." He chuckles.

Kenny doesn't. He's frowning, Butters notices. 

"Hey, what's wrong? Oh, geez, are you bored?"

Kenny shakes his head, a small smile working its way out of him. "No, I just never liked the way others treat you. It's never been fair to dare others to date you, kiss you or make you do any of their dirty work." 

Butters feels blood flood to his cheeks, not just because of the cold weather. It's Christmas soon after all. "Oh." His heart feels heavy but in a good way, if that even makes sense.

"I've never liked it. Those weeks that I was de- I mean away," Butter wonders briefly what he was about to say there but he pushes into the back of his mind. "Everyone treated you as their personal servant." He shakes his head. "I didn't- don't like it."

Butters feels more appreciated than he ever has. "Oh," he says again because he's not sure what he _can_ say at the moment. "I'm at a loss for words."

Kenny laughs. "Yeah well, it's true."

Butters nods. "Thank you. I've always liked you a little more than the other kids anyway."

Kenny gives him a bright smile, his teeth are crooked and his face has some obvious scars but it might still be the nicest smile Butters has ever seen. "You've always been special Leo, so innocent." Before Butters can protest, Kenny rolls his eyes but it's not an annoyed gesture, more like playful. "Yeah, yeah I know, you've grown and you really have. You still have this childlike gleam in your eyes though. It's not something you see everyday."

Butters is speechless again. He can hear Kenny laugh, "you're really cute when you're shy, you know?"

"Kenny! That _doesn't_ help!" Butters flushes deeply, Kenny laughing a little more.

They grow quiet for a bit as they walk more, the mood stays playful despite that.

Butters can see Kenny finger his pocket, his eyebrows furrowing. It takes a while for Butters to get it. "You can smoke y'know. I don't mind."

Kenny nods, lighting one up. Before he can even push it against his lips, someone stops their car at full speed in the street. A man comes running out of the vehicle, stabbing Kenny repeatedly in the stomach and then gets right back in. Butters has never been so horrified.

He really hopes for his sake that Kenny died on the spot, despite that he cries out for help, holding Kenny in his arms, the blood staining his jacket. 

-

He doesn't remember how he got home the next day, the last thing he remembers is walking around town, _alone_.

Then he remembers, Kenny had stood him up again. Butter felt his previous fury return. He wants to stomp over to Kenny's house, give him a piece of his mind but he doesn't, remembers that to get a point across you should always be calm. 

He doesn't have the patience to be calm at the moment. He walks over to his wardrobe, throwing on some turquoise long sleeved shirt and a pair of dark blue sweatpants. He's too mad for jeans at the moment. 

He notices a lily flower floating in a vase on his desk, he wonders how it got there but pushes into the back of his mind. Instead of stomping over to Kenny's, he goes to Wendy to talk to her. Tweek might be a good listener, and maybe he'll talk to him after Wendy, but Wendy's really, really good at giving advice, even if she's slightly selfish at times.

He knocks angrily on her door, not even bothering to check what the time is. He's suddenly a bit scared that she'll slam the door on him for waking her up but of course that's not what happens. Instead her dad chews him out slightly for waking _him_ up before calling Wendy, who was apparently already awake, over.

They go to Wendy's room where they sit on the floor as usual. Her carpet is really soft so it's not too bad. 

"Whoa, what's got you in such a sour mood?"

Butters huffs, suddenly not feeling angry anymore, maybe just sad. Because he's so clearly being rejected. He'll never understand why Kenny asked him out on a date if he wasn't planning on going anyway. 

"Butters?" Wendy asks again, she seems both curious and concerned. 

Butters takes in a large huff of air, his chest puffing up. "I've been talkin' to Kenny these last few weeks and kissed but then we went out for coffee and I thought it was a date but it really wasn't and then he asked me on a real date. I was real nervous an' all and then he doesn't show up! Oh, and he's done that before blamed it on gettin' mugged but I dunno, it didn't feel honest."

Wendy holds her hand out, palm inches from his face, as if to get him to stop talking and calm down. "Whoa," she says, "I get it. Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier?" 

He feels frustrated, "I don't know, I didn't want to- wait, that's not what this is about! What should I do?"

"What do you mean 'what should you do'? Go confront the fucker." Wendy crosses her arms, her eyebrows furrowing. "Now I know why you've been so distant lately."

Butters feels all the anger drain out of him at once and he's mostly just left with sadness. "huh?"

"It's been really hard to talk to you, like that time you were here? You wouldn't stop looking at your phone." Butters didn't think she'd noticed. 

"Oh," he deflates, feeling awful for neglecting his friend. Wendy gives him a comforting look.

"Hey, no, don't look like someone kicked your puppy." He has tears in the corners of his eyes, not just because he neglected Wendy. It feels like a little bit of everything. His parents, the bullying, Kenny, Wendy, hell he even cries because he's jealous of Tweek. Maybe Kyle too.

Wendy makes a motherly sound that Butters can barely hear, then he's pulled into her arms. She hugs him tight and doesn't let go.

"Shh, Butters, It'll be okay. I promise." He puts his head into her neck, "you'll always have me okay? I promise to not leave unless you want me too. Please don't cry. Shh, shh."

Butters’ tears do dry eventually, but then he's suddenly tired and sad. "Thanks Wendy," he sniffles. 

She swipes a stray tear off his cheek, "always."

Butters sniffles again. 

"Do you want me to go with you, if you're gonna confront him that is?"

Butter shakes his head, sniffles once more then decides he's done. "No, I'll handle it on my own." He bites his lip.

Wendy shrugs, "if you say so."

-

It's a guessing game really. Every time he dies, he has to guess how the hole of his presence will be filled. Most of the time he just hopes it doesn't make him out to be a giant douche. 

It happens sometimes, of course, that he gets the lower end of the stick. More often than not he ends up looking like a dick. Finding excuses is hard.

Waking up Sunday morning, 11pm, he groans lowly. His stomach feels on fire, so much so that before he even gets the memory of how he died back, he knows he got stabbed.

Oh right, _fuck_ , he'd been with Butters. Then some random stranger decided to just jump out of a car and stab him multiple times. The universe must hate him. Unlike everyone else, Butters hadn't just shook off Kenny's death, oh no, Kenny had a clear view of his crying face holding him as he bleed out. Ugh, he hated dying.

\- 

Butters wasn't mad anymore, just slightly sad. It's obvious he's been crying when he walks into Tweek Bros. He sighs when he sees Craig manning the empty coffee register. 

"What do you want?" Craig's nasally voice fills up the air. Butters doesn't take offense, he actually thinks that's how Craig greets all his customers. 

Butters fidgets.

"Uh- is Tweek here?"

Craig huffs, "he's sleeping, come back later."

"Huh? Wha- C-Craig! I'm not - _ngh_ \- sleeping!" Tweek comes out of the backroom.

Craig crosses his arms, turning towards Tweek, "go back to sleep, you need it."

Tweek reaches up to pull on his hair, Craig slaps his hands away so he doesn't pull any of it out. "I was sleeping? _Oh jesus_!"

Craig huffs again, "Yes." Then he turns back towards Butters, he sighs. "Well, he's here now. What did you want?"

Butters, if possible, fidgets even more, pulling on his jacket. "Can we talk in private?"

Craig rolls his eyes while they sit at a booth. 

"So what's- _arh_!- up?" Butters hasn't seen Tweek twitch like this in so long that it's almost foreign.

He fiddles with his hands, doing some weird motions and hoping he's not saying anything mean in sign language. "Uh, Kenny didn't show up yesterday."

There's silence for a few moments. 

"Goddamn, such a dick, how can you still-" Tweek stops himself, "uh- Butters have you - _ngh_ \- been crying?"

Butters nods, putting his head on the hard plastic table. 

Tweek lets out a distressed noise and Butters hears some quick footsteps towards them, a nasally sigh and then slow footsteps descending. 

Before Butters can question it, Tweek's talking. "Have you confronted him yet?"

Butters shakes his head. Tweek frowns.

"You should. Even if you - _argh_!- don't wanna do it face-to-face you can send him a text or something."

Butters took his head up from the hard surface, "that doesn't feel right," he sighed.

Tweek nodded, understanding, "I-I get it, man. It's hard to stand up for yourself. You shouldn't push it off." Tweek lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'll give you a piece of - _ngh_ \- advice that Craig gave to me a long time ago. Just do it, don't- don't give a fuck what people think and just grab what's bothering you by the balls." 

Butters nodded, sighing so deeply it felt like it hurt. So he was actually gonna confront him then. 

And what better time than right now? Like, _now_ now.

-

On the walk there, Butters feels his frustration build up. Not just at Kenny, not really, he thinks he's actually more mad about all the years of mistreatment he's just taken. 

..

Maybe he's a little mad at Kenny too. 

And maybe, perhaps he knocks a little too hard on the McCormick family door. 

Stuart basically throws the door open, "what," he says. It's not even a question, just a statement to show he's not happy with how roughly Butters is handling their door.

Butters fidgets on the half-broken stone stairs leading up to their door. His anger fleeting slightly to give way for what almost seemed like shyness. "Oh- hi sir, I was just wondering if-"

"Stuart, who's at the door?!" Carol's voice boomed throughout the whole house, Butters couldn't even tell what room she was in.

Stuart sighed, "just the Stotch kid-"

"Stotch kid? What he want?!"

Stuart turned fully away from the doorway, yelling back at his wife. "I'd have found that out if you didn't fucking interrupt me!"

"Don't you fucking say I interrupted you!" There were some crashes and bangs and then Butters was left on the, if you can call it that, patio alone.

He was slightly horrified, the anger fully given away to fright.

At least until Kenny appeared in front of him.

"Uh, hey dude. What are you doing here?" Kenny didn't have his jacket on, just a long sleeve red shirt and some pair of old, scruffy looking jeans. 

Butters huffed, the sounds of Stuart and Carol arguing in the background. He tried to shut that out. "I want to talk to you about somethin'."

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "Uh, sure dude, let me just go get my jacket-"

"No, I don't wanna go anywhere. I want to talk to you here. Outside or inside, doesn't matter." Maybe this was when Kenny noticed something was off with Butters. His eyebrows shot up high on his forehead.

"Okay then, we can talk in my room I guess?" Butters nodded, trying not to let his newfound nervousness show, he was determined to stay determined. 

Kenny lead him into his bedroom, it looked pretty much the same since Butter was here weeks ago. Kenny sat on his bed, tapping the spot next to him but Butters stayed standing. Kenny's eyebrows furrowed. 

"You're acting weird, what did you wanna talk about?"

"Why are you pretending?" Butters crossed his arms, not wanting to look at Kenny for fear of breaking down.

"Pretending…” Kenny repeated. "Pretending what Buttercup?"

"Don't you Buttercup me." He did actually snap his head toward him now, irritated at the affectionate nickname when obviously Kenny did not feel affection towards him.

He turned his head back when Kenny's mouth dropped at shy, cutesy little Butters’ angry tone. Ugh. 

"Stop pretending you didn't stand me up yesterday. You did this the last time too, y'know. And I-I- I won't have it!"

He could clearly hear Kenny sigh and saw the sight of his defeated looking face when he turned his head towards him. "Butters," this was Kenny's first use of his real name in years, Butters noted. "Let me explain-"

"No! I don't need you to explain anythin' to me Ken! I get it, I'm some dork who you were just playing around with- everyone always called you a- a fuckboy but I told them no, Kenny would never play with anyone's feelings like that! Guess what, Ken! You're a fuckboy and I get it, I think. But did you really have to go and destroy my hope of finding my soulmate? Huh?!" Butters thinks this might be the first time he's lashing out on someone this badly since before that stupid Hawaii trip. Heck, it's the first time he's swearing angrily at someone in years too.

Kenny opens his mouth, ready to answer but Butters cuts him off before he can even begin.

"I was ready to give it up, finding my soulmate, I mean. I liked you, Ken! And fine- maybe I wasn't too happy with you standin' me up an’ all the first time and then obviously lying about it, but I was ready to move past it. Then you go and do this- this shit again! Why did you even ask me on a date if you just weren't gonna go? Why the fuck would you play with my feelings this way?" If Butters had been more observant, maybe he'd have noticed the quietness that fell upon the McCormick residence. 

This wasn't just about Kenny anymore.

"I just wanted to make everyone happy! And what do I get? _'Oh Butters is such a dork, Butters is so lame.'_ I don't disobey, I don't question, I don't do anything an everyone still hates me! It's like they hate me for existing. I thought maybe, just maybe my soulmate would be nice and kind and comforting to me. I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore- then eureka! I'd found that warmth and happiness elsewhere, then- then- then this ' _elsewhere_ ' asks me on a date and doesn't show up! He- he" Butters sniffles, the anger disappearing as quickly as it came when he woke up. "He didn't show up." He finishes his little rant, unknowing if it even made any sense at all.

Butters feels out of breath, tears running freely down his cheeks. He feels kind of bad for taking out years of unknown feelings on Kenny but he doesn't have the power to really speak right now, or even apologize. 

He casts a teary eyed look at Kenny. He's fully still, like he doesn't know what to do. His shoulders are tense and his whole face screams of shock. 

Butters suddenly doesn't wanna be angry anymore, he wants to be forgiving. Forgive Kenny, forgive everyone, but to be totally honest, he's so, so tired of their shit.

He can't help the sob that tears it's way out of his throat. The notion seems to get Kenny working again. 

He doesn't realize what's happening until he's sitting on Kenny's lap, his back being stroked and arms swung around him comfortingly. He wants to fight it, get out of his grip, go home and lock himself in his room. But he melts into it, it's so warm and comforting.

He cries, tears he didn't cry before at Wendy's. The tears he's been holding in basically his whole life.

Kenny isn't talking like Wendy did when she comforted him like this, Butters doesn't mind. He prefers this, maybe just because it's Kenny, he isn't sure. 

Kenny holds him for however long, Butters actually becomes relived when the fighting of Carol and Stuart start up again, even if he hadn't noticed it missing before.

Kenny opens his mouth when Butters’ tears dry, most likely trying to come up with another excuse.

"Don't lie to me, don't make up some excuse again."

Kenny shakes his head. His voice sounds weird when he talks, it's gravelly, hoarse. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Butters shakes his head. He doesn't want to pull his head back, doesn't want to let Kenny see his tear filled face. "Not if you make up an excuse."

Kenny takes a deep breath, his shoulders tense. He seems scared, Butters notes. "I'm immortal."

Butters wants to laugh because that might be the stupidest thing he's ever heard. Wants to cry a little more because Kenny's _still_ lying to him. He doesn't do either, fiddling with the fabric on Kenny's shoulder. He feels slightly awkward, sitting on his lap after spilling some sap story, a true sap story, but a sap story nonetheless.

Kenny talks on when he notices Butters hasn't said anything. "I know it sounds stupid and maybe you even think it's cool- it's not. It fucking hurts." Kenny sighs, getting himself back on track. "I was with you yesterday, I uh- gave you a lily flower and we walked around in town. Then some _absolute_ fucker stabbed me. And the time before that? When I said I got mugged? I got eaten by a bear."

This time Butters does laugh but it's a sad laugh, filled with emotion. Not caring that Kenny can clearly see his face when he leans back. "A bear? Well that's the- that's the--" realization draws upon his face.

The lily.

The lily that was in his room that Butters had most definitely not found by himself. He'd been searching for flowers for years. 

He closes his eyes, not sure if he's happy or if he wishes this was all a dream. 

Butters’ thoughts wander, he looks down at the arm that is around his middle, reaching up to his back. Kenny's eyes follow him. He looks at Kenny's wrist.

"You aren't screwing with me, are ya?"

Kenny shakes his head, "no- Butters, what the fuck!?" He asks as he's suddenly pinned to the bed.

"Take your shirt off."

Kenny looks stricken. "What the fuck? Does immortality get you hot and bothered or something?" Butters decide to ignore that, he's determined.

Then he realizes that maybe it would be easier just to raise Kenny's sleeve up a bit.

He lets go of one of Kenny's arms, using it to pull the red sleeve down an inch. 

His breath hitches, once twice. 

He feels like crying again, not for sadness, or anger or even happiness. Just from how overwhelmed he feels at the moment. Too much is going on and he doesn't have enough time to process it all. ".. Leo?"

Butters looks over at Kenny's face, he looks both shocked and concerned. "You weren't lying." Is all Butters can force out of his mouth. His throat is dry and he's having slight trouble breathing. 

"What, uhm- what made you believe me?" Kenny asks. He could easily get out of Butters grasp by how loosely he's holding his wrists. He's barely even holding them, just using them as support so he doesn't fall onto Kenny.

Butters isn't sure why, but he's suddenly embarrassed. More embarrassed than he's been in years. He lets himself fall gently onto Kenny, only so that he can hide his face in his neck. He's still got a lot he wants to ask Kenny but that can wait until a bit later. 

He whines into Kenny's neck from the embarrassment. "We're soulmates," he mumbles.

He can feel, but also hear, Kenny freeze, his breath whooshing out before he goes still. 

"Are- are you sure?"

Butters nods into his neck. He's not happy, he's not sad either. Actually, he thinks he might be too overwhelmed to feel anything at the moment.

Actually, he feels a bit relieved. To know he's not broken, there's nothing wrong with his mark, except the fact that it's quite ugly. And maybe little relieved he's found his soulmate. Oh man, he's gonna have too much to tell Tweek and Wendy later. Maybe he'll keep a few things to himself- like about Kenny's immortality. He gets the feeling he doesn't want anyone to find out about it.

Then Butters starts giggling. He's not exactly happy, nor is he really content with the situation. He's not sure what to feel. Except relief. He think he'll be happier when he wakes up tomorrow than he was this morning at least. 

"What?" Kenny asks, seemingly coming to life for the second time. That thought just makes Butters giggle harder.

"You were the only one playing for real."

"Huh?" Kenny shifts around so that they're now both laying on their sides, looking into each others faces. Butters wants to hide his red, wet and snotty face but he doesn't.

"When we were playing superheros, you were the only one playing for real."

Kenny trails a finger down Butters’ cheek. "I guess I was. You made a pretty menacing villain, though." 

"Gee, thanks Ken."

It's silent for a moment, giving Butters his first chance to properly breathe since coming here. He feels sweaty. Who knew that angrily ranting and then having a mental breakdown would make you sweaty? 

"Uh- you know I never meant to hurt you right?" Kenny's finger feels like a pleasant tingle on his cheek, even through the shield of salty water from his previous tears that still protect his skin.

Butters sighs, "I know." He cracks his eyes open slightly, greeted by a pile of blond hair. "I'm sorry I called you a fuckboy."

Kenny laughs. "I think that might have been the first time I've ever hear you properly swear."

Butters hums, feeling tiredness overtake him. He doesn't want to go just yet however, there's so much left to ask, so much left to tell. 

That doesn't help and he falls asleep as soon as Kenny starts stroking his hair.

-

When he wakes up, it's dark outside. 

The first thing he notices is his discomfort. This isn't his bed. 

Oh right, he's in Kenny's room. 

Looking around, he sees Kenny sitting on a silver taped together spin chair, smoking and blowing it out the window. He notices Butters looking at him.

"Go back to sleep, Buttercup."

Butters shakes his head. "I'm not tired anymore."

Kenny puts the cigarette out on an ashtray by the windowsill, closing the window as he approaches his own bed. He lays down, over the covers while Butters is under them.

The air is both heavy and lighthearted, this could go either way based on what one of them say.

"Did you really believe me just because we're soulmates?" It seems that they're going in the heavy direction.

Butters shakes his head, unsure if Kenny can even see him from this angle. "No."

"Then why?"

Butters groans, doesn't feel like explaining to another person how his mark works. But Kenny definitely deserves to know. 

"First of all I saw a lily flower in my room that I didn't pick this morning. And secondly uh- my mark's been scarring at random points ever since I got it."

Kenny's eyebrows raise, "shit, seriously?"

"Yep."

"Is that why you always wear long sleeves?"

Butters snickers. "That and the fact that it's ugly."

Kenny shoves him lightly, "hey!"

"What?" He asks, confused.

"We have the same mark, you dingus."

Butters deflates, sitting up immediately. "Oh gee, I didn't mean- I'm sorry."

Kenny snorts, throwing an arm around Butters and puling him down again. Kenny gets under the covers too. 

"Are you okay with us being soulmates?" Butters can't help but ask.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I? That's why they call it _soul_ mates."

Butters fidgets, knocking his knuckles together under the covers. "No, but you don't believe in that."

Kenny shakes his head. "I don't."

"So uhm-"

"I don't care about it, not really. Like I said before, I'll only be with my soulmate if I would wanna be with them even if they weren't."

"Oh," Butters says, not sure yet if that's a 'yes, I like you' or not.

"Don't look so down, jesus. I wanted to go out with you even before this."

Butters feels his heart thump rapidly and- yep, he's happy. Not content, not yet at least. There's too much he doesn't have the answers too to be content but he _is_ happy. 

"I'm sad about the date we lost."

Kenny laughs, throwing an arm over the covers where Butters lies. "We'll just have to redo it." 

Despite not being tired at all, Butters falls asleep shortly after again.

~~~~

"What's this all about Butters?" Wendy asks as she sits down at the booth, Tweek next to her.

" _Argh_! Yeah- why is Wendy here?" Tweek twitches. 

Butters can't stop the smile on his face. It's only been a few days since what Butters has come to call 'the happy incident'. 

"Well," Butters slides into his seat, in front of them. "some interesting things have happened since I last met both of you."

He casts a look outside, a blue, slightly rusty truck looks back at him. "First, Wendy has met her soulmate and I wanted to congratulate her." He's never met the guy but from what Wendy's texted him, he's some slightly snobbish, smart private school fella named Jamieson. Which is just funny considering he drives a blue rusty truck, but Butters isn't one for judging.

Tweek shifts uneasily in his seat. "W-What's that got to do with me?"

"Can we just get to the point, Butters?"

"Okay- okay, so you guys are both my closest friends," they share a look that Butters can't really discern. "You both know about me and Ken, so I just wanted to give you both the follow up without having to tell it separately." Wendy lights up at that, Tweek doesn't say much but he listens intently as Butters starts the story.

Oh boy, it's gonna be a long night.

Butters doesn't mind. 

  
  



End file.
